I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
