party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
