Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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