I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
