he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
