He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
