i need an iv and a liver transplant
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
