Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
