I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
