Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
