i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think my moral compass just broke
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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