I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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