i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
