Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
