I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
