So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
