I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
