I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize