We're facebook friends in real life
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
