I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
