Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need a beard to bite.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
