Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
