So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
