i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
