anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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