The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
