Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
