Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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