They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I intend to get homeless drunk
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
