he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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