I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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