Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
