I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
