Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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