Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
