I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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