I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
