Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
