u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
