im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
