What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My feet surprised me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize