Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
