i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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