The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
only if we run a train.
done.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
