just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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