i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize