Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
