I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
