please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
