I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
