well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
