is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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