You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
