If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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