I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
