Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
