Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
is it fun? or sober?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
