i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize