i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
