high people should be assigned attendants
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
