just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
