Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
