I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
