Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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