oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
