You're my little dorito
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
