Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
