Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
