Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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