After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
