I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
