when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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