i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
