Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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