He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
