i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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