But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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