My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
