It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
