Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize