i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
