I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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