can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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