It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
