fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
