i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
